i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
