I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
