You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
