nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
