I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
