Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I have tasted many bathrooms
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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