What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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