this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
