he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
