i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
