so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
