If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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