margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize