there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
