where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
