Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
