me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
