omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
