No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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