I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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