You're a womanizer and a bitch.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
