so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
