Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
