What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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