In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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