I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
