well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
