Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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