Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
