For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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