Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
