my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
