i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize