I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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