Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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