I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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