question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
