how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize