oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Randomize