I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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