I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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