He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
