Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
