i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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