Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
