remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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