So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
