it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
