so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
