Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I need moral support for this bender
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
