You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
