I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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