im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
