Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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