ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
