I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
