I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
i think my cat just said my name.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
