PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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