she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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