Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
