smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
