did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
