winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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