I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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