So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Randomize
