My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
