She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
