Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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