He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I understand Curling. That high.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
