I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
This is my gift to your gina
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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