You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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