Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
