My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
